Why Your Inner Control Freak Isn’t in Charge of Healing

Let’s be honest: most of us humans are walking, talking bundles of control issues.

We like our heating and our tv volume to be set precisely. We want our phones charged to 100% before leaving the house. We silently (or not-so-silently) judge how someone else loads the dishwasher.

It makes sense.

Control feels safe.

If we can micromanage our environment, maybe — just maybe — we won’t get blindsided by pain, disappointment, or loss again.

But here’s the kicker: healing doesn’t work that way.

☀️Scars, Plasters, and Other Unruly Realities

Think about what happens when you cut your finger. You don’t sit there yelling at it: “Heal faster, I need to wash my hair and this is making it so awkward.”

Nope. The body has its own timetable. The skin knits itself back together cell by cell.

Sometimes it heals clean, barely leaving a mark. Sometimes a scar forms — raised, shiny, a quiet reminder of what happened.

And sometimes, depending on how you use that hand, the wound splits open again before it’s ready, setting the process back.

☀️Sound familiar? That’s trauma in a nutshell.

We get hurt.

Life cuts deep.

Our minds and hearts knit themselves back together in the ways they can.

Sometimes cleanly, sometimes with scar tissue. Sometimes it fades so much we forget it was ever there.

Other times, a small bump — the wrong comment, a stressful day, a smell that brings back the past — can reopen the whole thing. Not because we’re weak. But because healing isn’t linear.

☀️Why Control Doesn’t Speed Things Up

Here’s the part most of us don’t like to admit: no amount of white-knuckling will make the process faster.

You can’t spreadsheet your way out of grief.

You can’t “positive vibes only” your way out of trauma.

You can’t cellotape a wound closed and call it a day.

Healing asks us to loosen our grip. To let time, compassion, and the messy magic of being human do their work. It asks us to create safe environments — like keeping a wound clean and bandaged — but then step back and trust the body and soul to knit themselves together.

☀️The Wisdom of Scars

Scars get a bad rap, but they’re actually proof of resilience. They say: “Yes, this happened. And yes, I healed.” They can fade, soften, and become part of the story of who we are. They remind us that we’ve survived, that our bodies and hearts know how to repair themselves even after we thought they never could.

And maybe that’s the most important part: healing isn’t about erasing what happened. It’s about integrating it. It’s about recognising that the hurt shaped us — but it doesn’t have to control us.

☀️ The Gentle Ask

So if you’re in the middle of healing right now, here’s my invitation:

✨Stop trying to control the timeline.

✨Treat yourself like the precious, complicated organism you are.

✨Clean the wound when you need to (therapy, journaling, rest, good company).

✨Protect it from further harm (boundaries, people who don’t get access to your tender spots).

✨And then… wait. Trust. Breathe.

Because your body and heart already know what to do.

Healing is less about control and more about cooperation — between you and your own innate wisdom. And sometimes the bravest, wisest thing we can do is unclench our fists, release the timeline, and let ourselves knit back together in the time it takes.

Scars may remain. But scars are proof of survival. And they fade in time x

Looking for a chance to come back to centre, safe supportive to work on your healing journey?

Our Sacred Space Women’s Circle is in Clongriffin Junctiom the first Sunday of each month 5-615pm

https://www.dustingoffmysoul.ie/sacred-space-womens-circle